My Own "Daily Dose"

Noted: I saw a deer and its baby in the woods today.

Quoted: "The only way to gain much is to risk much." -Finance professor M. Croce

Somebody's Baby

I’m crying and I don’t know exactly why. It’s just worthy of mourning.

I’m listening to “Somebody’s Baby” by Jon Foreman. It’s about a homeless woman.

This Sunday I thought a lot about what it means to be in that position and what my role is as someone who does have means to care for those who don’t. How does that play out in a generous yet wise way? Not just a handout to take my mind off of the real problems, but understanding what’s driving these problems. Getting to know people, and investing some time, not just throwing money at someone’s plight.

“More than just your cash and coin, I want your time, I want your voice.” –Derek Webb

I love my family and I’m so glad they visited me. But I see the people we passed on the way to our nice Sunday lunch. I see the woman on the side of the road with a broken down car. I see the supposedly homeless guy with his dog. We didn’t stop for them to see if we could help – make sure the woman was okay, see if the guy who wanted money would like a meal instead. I wish we would have.

Here are things from the song that get me. Snippets that make this woman real to me (Full lyrics here):

“if you were homeless, sure as hell you’d be drunk…when people don’t want you…”

“her name was November”

“every now and again when she’s sober, she brushes her teeth”

“she’s somebody’s baby girl, and she’s somebody’s baby still”

A good book on the subject I read a year ago is Under the Overpass by Mike Yankoski. Here’s the book on Amazon. Here’s their website.

Thoughts? Reactions?

What is Home?

I am a sovereign prince of Egypt
A son of the proud history that’s shown
Etched on every wall
Surely this is all I ever wanted
All I ever wanted
All I ever
Wanted
-The Prince of Egypt

This is such a poignant song of longing and belonging sung by the character of Moses in this recent adaptation of the age old Exodus story. But the true beauty of this story, is that these sentiments are not the end. Character development, right?

Up until now, this is all that Moses has wanted. To belong here in this comfortable household. But God is calling him out into the unknown. Out on this journey that will through all its hardships and joys, teach Moses that his desires were in fact, too small. He actually will come to desire the LORD in that way. Surely THIS is all I ever wanted.

I think of Moses’ journey and this song especially right now as I’m nearing so many changes in life. Though I am not graduating in 3 short months, many of my close friends are. Their lives (and mine) will be altered forever. I follow in little over a year to a place of being uprooted from this dearly beloved and comfortable haven of Chapel Hill. What I have once considered home, will be so no longer.

I’ve gone through this before, when I left Jamestown to come to Chapel Hill. It was a process of letting go of my original concept of home, and realizing where my TRUE home lies. I think as humans it’s easy to find contentment where we are and in the comforts that surround us. The fact that I’ve lived in Joyner for two years is comfortable to me. I’d like to stay here. Walk past Davis library and on up the steps into my home. Have a cup of cider in my room, across from my lovely, funny, vibrant neighbors. Go for a run in the forest. Stay up until 2 a.m. in the first floor lobby – a veritable living room of sorts. So much like I imagine the Gryffindor common room.

But God periodically calls us out of our comfort so that we will realize our dependency on Him, just like He called Moses. Right now my vision has been for Joyner and Chapel Hill as “all I ever wanted.” Through the next few years, God will be painfully prying loose my fingers from what I hold dear, to see that only He is “all I ever wanted.”

I can follow Him next year to Connor, or wherever else I end up living. It will be a precursor to the even bigger move of following Him into the utter unknown of Los Angeles the year after.

I am excited to see “the change You sow” as Caedmon’s Call sings. I can’t wait to see the incredible things God does in my life and the lives of my friends. Change is exciting for the possibilities and also because it stands in direct contrast to the “Only One” that never changes (like Lifehouse sings).

For anyone interested in reading what I thought about the concept of “home” at the end of my freshman year of college, check out my old Xanga here. Another interesting post is what I wrote right after my first semester of intense transition. That link is here.

Have a beautiful day, my friends! Be shaken up by the unsettling Love.

Unplugged

I just turned in my computer to be fixed. When your fan sounds like a lawnmower, it's probably time for a tune-up.

Thankfully, ITS here at UNC will repair it for free since mine is under warranty. However, they are currently out of loaner computers.

So, I am without a computer for a day or so. I still have my hand-held Palm calendar, my jump drive full of files, my iPod, and obviously I have internet access because I am typing this at a library computer. BUT, after this, I'm going to try and rough it for as long as possible.

It's kind of exciting and freeing to be somewhat unplugged in these days of zeros and ones.

Maybe I'll read more.
Enjoy face time with people.
Go outside.

You know, things that people do when they aren't plugged into technology 24/7.

Be liberated and full of grace today, my friends.

Mustang Film Festival, Part 3

And now... for the final installment of my film watching extravaganza! Dialogue about the movies is appreciated and encouraged.


The Last 10
16) Best Location - Twelve Angry Men
"This fighting. This is not why we are here, to fight. We have a responsibility. This I have always thought is a remarkable thing about democracy is that we are - what’s the word? Notified. We are notified by mail to come down to this place to decide on the guilt or innocence of a man we have never heard of before. We have nothing to gain or lose by our verdict. This is one of the reasons why we are strong. We should not make it a personal thing. Thank you."

17) Best Reverse Redemption - Pretty Woman
Edward: So what happens after he climbs up and he rescues her?
Vivian: She rescues him right back .

18) Best Actress - Million Dollar Baby

19) Best Supporting Actor - Charlie Wilson's War
"These things happened. They were glorious and they changed the world...and then we fucked up the endgame."

20) Best Coen Brothers - Raising Arizona
(Shameless plug here for No Country for Old Men, which I saw slightly before my movie fest. Go. See it now.)

21) Best Local Director - Sideways
"It’s a hard grape to grow, as you know, right? It’s thin-skinned, temperamental, ripens early. It’s not a survivor like Cabernet, which can just grow anywhere and thrive even when it’s neglected. No, Pinot needs constant care and attention. And in fact, it can only grow in these really specific, little tucked-away corners of the world. And, and only the most patient and nurturing of growers can do it, really. Only somebody who really takes the time to understand Pinot’s potential can then coax it into its fullest expression. And then, oh its flavors, they’re just the most haunting and brilliant and thrilling and subtle and ancient on the planet."

22) Best Quotes Amidst Sketchiness - The People vs. Larry Flynt
“This country is founded, at least in part, on the belief that unpopular speech is vital to our nation."

23) Best Copycat - National Treasure: Book of Secrets

24) Best Awkward End Credits Song - The Golden Compass

25) Best Incredibly Long Dance Sequences - White Christmas


And, that's a wrap!

Stings + Healings

Have you ever felt really small?

Or just that you don't fit in anywhere?

I told a friend last night that I don't really have a "group" and I'm a sort of floater who has friends from different circles. Which is true.

But it's also true that when I have often tried to spend time with people in a couple different tight-knit circles because I'd like to know them more, I get the distinct impression I'm not as interesting or wanted as those who are already in the "circles of trust" (thank you Meet the Parents for popularizing that statement).

I thought feeling left out and unwanted was a thing of the past. Dead and buried with the high school bells ringing every 50 minutes. But the truth is that cliques hurt, no matter your age or station in life.

So I thank God for quality people who are selfless and inclusive even when it's inconvenient:
-Kristen Greenholt who talked to me and prayed with me at the latest IV retreat.
-My roomie, Ashley Sauls, who so graciously invites me to any and everything she does.
-Joseph McCormick for diffusing an awkward party moment and asking deeper questions.
-Bethany Limpach for her relentless pursuance of me and for taking a chance and finding a "kindred spirit."
-Sarah Vanderpool, Kate Jessup, Ashleigh Greene, Katie Smith, Mallorie Price & Asa Mair for wanting to spend time with me and making it happen.
-Betsey Smith for understanding me about as well as a person could.


It is my prayer that I, too, would love so fully and selflessly.

Mustang Film Festival, Part 2

And now I continue with the films I watched over break. Many thanks to Netflix for this semi-free opportunity.

The Next 10*
6) Best Use of Color - Amelie

7) Best Music - The Royal Tenenbaums
“I wish you’d’ve done this for me when I was a kid."

8) Best Camera Blocking - Rear Window

9) Best Dramatic Pause - Children of Men

10) Best Steven Spielberg - Minority Report
"What good is a justice system that instills doubt?"

11) Best Fake Shooting Scene - North by Northwest
“Well wouldn’t it be nice if my problems and your plans were somehow connected? Then we could always stay close to each other & not have to go out in separate directions. Togetherness. You know what I mean?”

12) Best Random Acts of Violence - Pulp Fiction
"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd."

13) Best Use of an Animal as an Integral Character - I Am Legend

14) Best Motivating Scene - The Great Debaters

15) Best Adam Sandler (ever) - Reign Over Me




*Do keep in mind that these "superlatives" are only out of the films that I watched. By no means do I mean that Minority Report is the best Steven Spielberg movie of all time. Jaws, Schindler's List, E.T. all are further ahead on that list. But it was, however, the "best" and only film of Spielberg's that I watched in this movie fest.