my posts are too long. and too spread out. look for a much more consistent blog coming next month with shorter posts at least every other week. with that, enjoy the latest unfiltered musings...

Smiles, Pit Preachers & Acceptance

It was in passing someone on the B-school steps today that I looked up to smile that "passers-by smile." You know, the one that says, "I have no idea who you are, but we're inhabiting the same bit of space-time right now, and I'm pleased to coexist with you." Because I know you all think that when you're smiling at a stranger....haha.

But in that seemingly normal moment, I also found myself looking for something in return. Some kind of smile or acknowledgment that I matter. It's not that I think I don't matter, but only that as humans, I think we innately turn to each other to find validation, acceptance or love - to know that we're okay.

The big problem with this is that since we're all human, we all inevitably let each other down. No matter how much we love someone, we will have at least one (usually multiple) instances of selfishness where we hurt them. So to put our trust or our need for acceptance into the hands of others is dangerous. There is only One who accepts us completely and loves us perfectly. It is in Him that we find our identity, that we're told we're "okay," because He has gone to such great lengths to make us so.

This one "random" encounter today with the B-school guy has made me think of other ways that I clamor for people's acceptance. I think this is why I spend inordinate amounts of time in the Joyner lounge with friends, soaking up the fact that we care for each other and support each other.

Now this is not in itself a bad thing, but must be put into context. Friends are a vital part of life, and for emotional balance, we need the acceptance and love of other people. But if that is our sole source of confidence or "validation," then we have a problem. When you come into a friendship already secure in who you are and not seeking approval, only then can you truly love someone selflessly. Otherwise, you will always be brushing over that relationship with a fine-toothed comb, looking for ways the other person builds you up - instead of striving to build them up.

Today on the quad I saw a new "Pit Preacher" who was doing the typical "condemning to hell" routine. And my heart broke for the people there listening - ordinary, amazing people, who may or may not know God. But I know that all of them are looking, just like me, for acceptance, for a place to belong, for confidence, for Truth and Love. (Kind of reminds me of that Tim McGraw song, "Drugs or Jesus," where he croons, "Everybody wants acceptance, we all just want some proof, everyone's just looking for the truth...we're all looking for love and meaning in our lives.")

Dear friends, this is the Truth and Love that we all need in our lives - Jesus absolutely adores us. He is our confidence. Our identity is in Him. We only need His approval, and we have it.

This is in direct contrast to the "condemnation" that the Pit Preacher was claiming this afternoon. What happened to verses like, "There is therefore now no condemnation in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1) or the story where Jesus told the angry crowd that whoever was without sin could cast the first stone at the adulterous woman (John 8)? Instead, Jesus paints us a picture in the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5) that explains just how much we all mess up. We don't love each other well. Think you're basically a good person, or like this "preacher" thinks...that you don't sin? Well, have you ever been angry at someone? Jesus says we've committed murder in our hearts. Ever looked at someone lustfully? Jesus says we've committed adultery with them. I know I'm guilty of both.

You see, it's not this laundry list of things we do or don't do in order to "be accepted by God." It's just the fact that we exist that makes Him love us. We don't deserve His love, but He gives it anyway. This is where true acceptance, "validation," belonging, confidence and love is found. This, my friends, is "amazing grace."

I so deeply want people to know that love and turn to Him for it, and I want to grow to be an extension of that love to those around me. I want to rest in the knowledge that I am His child, and that is enough.

And I want to smile at people without thinking about "space-time." ;o)




"Let me know that You hear me, Let me know Your touch, Let me know that You love me, Let that be enough." -Switchfoot

Lessons from the Cupcakes

I baked cupcakes yesterday. For those who know me, being that culinary is a feat. And, oh, it was glorious taking time away from the hustle and bustle of life, being in the kitchen creating something.

But my dad brought up a very good point. "Who are you baking these for?"

After I provided him with a flippant response, "No one really, just to bake!" I actually started to think about the purpose for baking these delicious morsels (yes, they are that good...haha).

The first thing that came to mind was that I had originally intended to bake them for my lovely friends in Joyner as a going away present, but didn't make the time to do it. So first lesson is simply, timing is everything. Carve out the time to show the people in your life that you care.

But the real whopper is this - I have no strong community here at home. If I were at school, yes, timing of things is still important, but really I could go into the kitchen at any time and bake cupcakes and there would be someone around to appreciate my labor of love. Here, there is no one around.

As a follow up to his question, my dad started brainstorming who we could share these cupcakes with. It was so sad to hear our pathetic little list - his coworkers, my mom's coworkers, Becca's friends at school. I was saddened that we don't have a good relationship with our neighbors and could just take them some cupcakes. We don't even have friends that come over to the house often or a church group to live life with.

I have realized how precious is the community God has blessed me with at Chapel Hill. God has made all of us to live in relationship and community with other people - to walk through this life together, sharing our burdens and our joys. It is my hope that my family can find that.

If my time at Chapel Hill has been anything, it has been about God teaching me that we are not islands meant to walk through life alone. Rather, we are connected to each other in our communities, our cities, our countries, our world. We are brothers and sisters.

Let us love each other deeply.
Let us spur one another on to good deeds.
Let us be one Body, one Beloved.

Anybody want a cupcake?

all men die...

what would it be like to risk it all on a dream that really mattered?

to eschew comfort and security for something that inspires and impassions?

to give it all up and do something crazy?

don't do something just because it looks good on a resume
don't do something just for "job security"
don't do something because you're "supposed to"

live in FREEDOM!
live because you are Redeemed
live for a big Dream that tells of adventure, of sacrifice, of real Love
loving others and your Redeemer

so what if i just moved across the country?
or if i sacrificed a summer internship to go serve in Africa?

...just follow Him...

"all men die. not all men truly live." -Braveheart

Hullo.

I want to actually blog now.

MySpace just does not cut it. I need to be accountable to actually create and have a voice, and not be content to simply be a sponge soaking in ideas and not reciprocating.

So I will post my most recent MySpace entry, and work toward blogging at least once a month.

Here's to the promotion of thinking deeply, sharing those thoughts to a community, and sharpening each other "as iron sharpens iron."

Cheers, mates!

I started this whole ordeal with no intention of creating an actual blog. All I wanted to do was post a comment on Alex Kirk's blog. And here I am. Feel special, Alex?

Actually, this is a good thing. Now I can have a real blog instead of my old xanga which is pretty outdated. Time to mature into the world of real blogging. No more the amateur!

Ha. Well, we'll see how often I use this site. Probably not much because these past few months have been about me not spending as much time on the computer, and really delving into life. So far, it's been great. So great that I quit AIM altogether and am quite content with that decision.

Now all you who read this are accountable- if I'm posting too much, that means I'm slipping back into my computer junkie ways. You are now my unofficial support group in Time Wasters Anonymous (or not so anonymous, as the case may be).

Have a beautiful day! I'm off to finally post that comment, check e-mails from my sister (who's in Europe!), and eat lunch with a friend from Chapel Hill.

Cheerio!
Liz Anne