Writing the Unwritten

You Do It Afraid, And Something Happens

2010-11-14T13:58:00.002-05:00

"With writing, you start where you are, and you usually do it poorly. You just do it - you do it afraid. And something happens." -Anne Lamott

Hello fair readers. If there are indeed any of you left, I'd like to take this opportunity to reacquaint ourselves. It's been exactly 18 months since my last post. So I'd venture to say we're both more than a bit different than we were before. Allow me to catch you up in 3 paragraphs - roughly one per 6 months.

Phase 1 - Move to Hollywood (June - Sept 2009)

I love LA. But this city is not easy. For the first 3 months here things were new and fun, and then I was depressed for the next 3. At first, I did a wonderful internship through the UNC Hollywood Internship program with some incredible classmates, instructors and site placement at Gail Katz Productions. I learned more about being an assistant and this crazy film industry in 3 months than I did in 3 years at school. Then the honeymoon ended and real life began. I started the long haul of job searching with little experience in an industry that prizes it, few connections, and the worst job market for college grads in decades. Suddenly my best friends weren't here, I didn't have a faith community, and I was no longer defined by my position. I had to entrust my finances to God in a way I never had before. But of course, things always had a way of working out.

Phase 2 - Settle In, Listen Up (Oct 2009 - May 2010)

How did they work out, you may ask? Well, pull up a chair, old friend. So, I temped at various companies for 5 months while I hunted down a full-time job. Those critters are elusive for recent grads! In months where I couldn't see things coming together, I learned to let go a little of my Type A personality while still working hard, and then things miraculously would gel, proving Kris and I are supposed to be here for a reason. He and I found an amazing faith community, Kairos. I moved in with some incredible folks from the church here in E. Hollywood, and formed some important friendships with lightening speed. "I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You" became my anthem for missed UNC compatriots. I read A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, which made me think about living a good story instead of just creating them. In January, I was blessed with a full-time job at The Institute. I learned a lot there, and made some valuable connections. But something was happening in my heart at the same time. I realized the film industry is not for me.

Phase 3 - Onward (June - Nov 2010)

With that shocker of a tiny revelation around May 2010, I kept at my film job, trying to figure out my next move. My life for about 4 years now has been all about film and storytelling. Who am I outside of that identity? Well, I don't exactly know the answer to that in terms of my career, but I do know I am someone who cares about people and about causes and about wildflowers breaking through the ugly cement of this world. God is even still prying my fingers off of this identity I clutch so strongly, and showing me other more sustainable paths - teaching, psychotherapy, non-profit management. Places where I can work directly with people and actively create a good story with my life instead of bringing those stories to the big screen. I still have tremendous respect for those who do that, and I will support good, moving films until the day I die. But I need to create my own story now where I try in some small way to put a band-aid on a hemorrhaging world, and see what miracles happen. So at the end of October, my job ended at The Institute, and now I'm onto a new and exciting phase - figuring out my next step in life. Welcome back to my crazy ride!

_______
Before I wrap up, and move on to another topic later this week, I wanted to briefly address why I'm back to the blogosphere, and why it's so important.

I've felt guilty about not blogging, but then Kris showed me a NY Times article a couple months ago mentioning how the trend these days is to be on Facebook and Twitter more than older forms of online communication like writing blogs. I've certainly remained active in the "newer" social media spheres, so I guess I'm about average. However, there's something that bothers me about the "broad swaths of the blogosphere [that] lie fallow" as Mr. Lohr puts it. We as a generation are forgetting our voice.

Wednesday night at our house, Jessica said something profound. As a group we are starting to study the 12 Steps as a way to be alongside our friends that have gone through recovery, and also as a way to find the addictions in our own lives and go through the process of being freed from them to love others more fully. Before we started to study the first step Jessica said, "Is the first step, 'Hi my name is ___, and I'm an alcoholic.'?"

The first step is actually, "Admit you are powerless against alcohol and your life has become unmanageable." Personally, I think that well-known first statement from AA meetings Jessica quoted is a great way to embody this. You are admitting and verbalizing who you are and your position in life. Saying it gives it credence and power.

In that way, I think blogging for me is a way to verbally process life and share it with my community - both near and scattered post-UNC. Blogging is my way of putting coherent thoughts together in more than 140 characters that say things of substance. These creative postings help me admit where I am in life, which then allows me to move on from there. And I hope these ramblings bring up issues that intrigue and validate my readers' experiences as well.

So thanks for being on this journey with me. I look forward to trading stories, poems, pictures, links and laughter.

Moment of Final Suspense + YOU!

2009-05-12T10:27:00.004-04:00

I'd be remiss if I didn't at least acknowledge that I haven't posted in almost 3 months. Sorry, folks! I finished school, though! I had to sacrifice a lot of contemplative time to do it, though....sigh.

So as I sit here on the edge of my new life post-academia, I have a few thoughts about Story and our role in the world. Sit tight because the post's a tad long...but worth it!

Last night I watched Air Force One. My boss for my summer internship produced it! She seems like a remarkable woman, and I can't wait to work with her. Sadly, it was one of those classics that I'd only seen parts of on TV, but never seen fully before - much to Kris and Jeannette's chagrin.

Though the movie is a predictable action flick, it has several things going for it - a marketable concept, an astounding cast, and an incredibly tight story. While predictable, the story moves along at a chipper pace and the appropriate level of anxiety is felt at each stage. (This analysis is not meant to be comprehensive, but only to point out something I realized.)

While watching this well-written story, something dawned on me relating to my faith. I often talk about and think of life and faith as a Story. In fact one of my favorite short non-fiction books is called Epic: The Story God is Telling and the Role that is Yours to Play. It's written by evangelical John Eldredge who I sometimes agree with and sometimes don't (specifically with his views on gender roles). But nonetheless it's a great little book about how life is virtually one big Story.

I'm reading some books right now about writing good stories and screenplays for my work this summer in film development. Basically I'll be reading a lot and writing coverage (glorified book summaries with suggestions about how to/if to develop it), which is going to be AWESOME! But all these books talk about the structure of a good story. Like Air Force One, all good stories have the bare bones structure of: exposition, rising action, climax, falling action and denouement.

According to Wikipedia (very credible source here...ha!), part of the "falling action" includes a "moment of final suspense during which the final outcome of the conflict is in doubt." The point of it is that you've built up so much trust and hope in these protagonists, and now to see them almost in defeat produces a lot of anxiety and really keeps you on the edge of your seat. You want them to win out, but will they? So much hangs in the balance.

This reminds me in terms of life and faith, where in my Christian faith we are right now. If you believe this Story, then you believe that Jesus came to make things right on the deepest level possible. Then when he left earth, ascending into heaven, he left 12 lowly men (a ragtag team, really) in charge of making his good Kingdom come to life on earth. A Kingdom full of LOVE, SHARING, JUSTICE and MERCY (not full of capitalism, greed, hate, divisiveness and pride).

So now we have our protagonists, which down through the years has come to mean us, the current people embodying the Way of the Kingdom. And we are certainly a ragtag bunch of protagonists. Very flawed. Interesting character study, actually. But we have this mission to bring peace to earth through love, self-sacrifice, laughter and freedom. Tall order, you know?

I feel like on a broad scale in terms of history post-ascension, we are at the "moment of final suspense" in the Story of history & faith. Will these silly humans ever get it? Will they actually love the way God wants to and embody justice, mercy and hope?

A lot of my friends don't believe in God because of what's known as the Problem of Evil. This is a whole other post/discussion that is not easily solved, though I tried in a philosophy paper once. But the basic issue is that a supposedly all-powerful and benevolent God doesn't stop pain, suffering and evil in the world. This is a contradictory statement in strict philosophy terms. But those philosophers don't always get it right. Cue Jack Johnson, "you don't always have to hold your head higher than your heart."

One big reason this Problem of Evil issue holds water for people is that the followers of Jesus aren't being what they're supposed to be. We're not becoming the hands and feet and embodiment of the God of Love. We aren't crying out for justice and making things right. This moment of final suspense is very much still in play.

Sunday at UNC's Commencement, speaker Desmond Tutu, pissed off people on the left and on the right. He also made friends on both sides by mentioning both the words "Jesus" and "orgy." (In different contexts of course.) It was fabulous! (Video link at end of post.)

But the premise of his speech and his message to us graduates is to become the HOPE in the world! Spend our lives and our efforts to make things better here and to join God in restoring the broken places of the world.

His anecdote about the field will always stick with me. A man comes upon a farmer standing by his beautiful field of corn. The man says, "Look what bounty you and God have produced!" The farmer stood there for a minute and replied, "You should have seen it when God had it to himself."

You see, my friends? God calls us to be his partners on this road of doing good, loving others, helping out, being self-sacrificial, making beauty, laughing, restoring. I hope you'll join me, no matter what your faith, in this quest!

_________________

Here's Tutu's full address: Commencement Speech + Video
Here's some fellow dreamers I've been reading lately:
- Jesus for President by Shane Claiborne
- Jon Foreman blogs about Darfur

Wisdom from Nancy & Inarritu

2009-04-20T08:52:00.004-04:00

"I was young - 18 or so. We were sitting at a local restaurant and talking. It was one of those places that wasn't exactly a chain but kind of was; we thought it was cool at the time. Something like Applebees. So all these women were saying things that they wanted, concrete things. And I just couldn't say those same things. When someone asked me what I wanted in life, I thought. Finally, I said, 'I want to be happy.' They badgered me to say something else that was more 'real' to them, but I was strong enough at that age to stand firm. I don't know how, but I was. And it was true. It WAS real." -Nancy

"For Luis. Because we are also what we have lost." -Amores Perros

Jesus, Justice, Nonviolence & Valentines

2009-02-14T14:09:00.004-05:00

"After contemplation, I conclude that this award which I receive on behalf of that movement is a profound recognition that nonviolence is the answer to the crucial political and moral question of our time - the need for man to overcome oppression and violence without resorting to violence and oppression." -Martin Luther King, Jr. during his acceptance speech of the 1964 Nobel Peace Prize

I first realized that nonviolence was a biblical imperative when I read Gareth Higgins' How Movies Helped Save My Soul some 4 years ago. Now Dr. Higgins lives nearby, and I recently found his blog through the Sojourners' blogs. The link is right here. Interesting, huh?

I continued my inauguration into the topic of nonviolence at the end of high school with Derek Webb's album Mockingbird. However, it wasn't until last year that his song "My Enemies are Men Like Me" finally made sense to me. In the song there is an audio clip of the above quote. It's brilliant. Webb's subsequent work in albums like The Ringing Bell has continued to fuel this connection between my faith and the ethic of nonviolence.

Then this summer I read Shane Claiborne's The Irresistible Revolution. What stories he tells of loving "enemies" and the fusion of Jesus & justice! Recently I read this blog post of his on the Sojourner's blogs, which you should definitely check out!

Along with that post there is a recent reply by a guy, Jarrod McKenna, who lives in Australia, where Shane recently was. His blog post sums up where I want to see myself inserted into the faith equation. He talks about Rob Bell and Don Golden's recent book Jesus Wants to Save Christians, which hits the nail on the head in terms of how our faith should not be preserving an empire, but ushering in a new one. We should bend our lives around restoring our cities and our nations, creating a world that is sustainable and generous. Where people can eat, drink and earn a living without fear for their lives. Go. Read it! (Both the book & blog post.)

Although all these things might not seem connected on their face, they are in fact deeply connected. I struggle often to connect my faith beliefs with the world around me when so many of my friends don't necessarily share them. I think that is a beautiful thing that we are all so diverse and can still live and share together. But at my core, I don't feel it right to try and impose what I believe on these beautiful friends. Instead, I feel that I should live out my faith principles, and as Jarrod McKenna's post says, then people will and should be curious as to why we live so counter-culturally. These principles of restoration, social justice and nonviolence, and yes, of redemption through Jesus are not just trendy, but are founded on the deepest knowledge that something is fundamentally broken in the world, and that God is asking us to help Him put it back together. Because I believe this Jesus God is someone who cares more deeply about these things than anyone I know.

As I embark on a career in filmmaking, I am excited about the opportunities to put my faith and values into a medium I love so well. Films that speak of redemption, in any form, are moving. Movies as storytelling media give us the chance to rewrite our stories and to choose goodness in all its forms. But this is not enough.

As Rachel says in Batman Begins, "It's not who you are underneath, it's what you do that defines you." Don Miller also reiterates this in Blue Like Jazz by saying that true belief is hard; it is reflected in what you do. By this token, I don't think it is enough for me to simply create works of art about issues of justice - it is my duty to live these out.

This summer Kris and I are moving to LA along with some other amazing Chapel Hill students! We are excited about it, but are also considering what it will look like to live in a place with such disparities between wealth and poverty. We want to continue to live out our values as we move forward in life. Any ideas and thoughts would be much appreciated!

So Happy Valentines Day everyone! Kris and I are eating cheaply, making candy for our friends and neighbors in our community, and talking about these kinds of topics - the intersection of Jesus, justice, nonviolence and love. Definitely my kind of celebration! ;) Remember folks, this "love" belongs to everyone in the world - let's not hoarde it for ourselves!!

Seven Pounds

2009-01-02T11:36:00.002-05:00

Only occasionally do I review a film on this blog. I aim to do it more - talk about the films that intersect with my life and shape me (as well as the inevitable film biz news from time to time). But Seven Pounds is certainly a film worthy of my time. (No spoilers here, don't worry!)

My delightful roommate, Amanda, wrote a blog post about this, she told me. However, I have not read it yet. You may read it though, if you like, here. I have a tendency to write in reaction to other people's ideas instead of creating my own and expressing them fully uncensored by others' thoughts. So I shall attempt that here and then compare notes with my brilliant and artistic roomie. (:

Seven Pounds was ideal.

From a business perspective, it has held its own, while not becoming a huge hit. Makes sense given its subject matter and positioning in the market. People aren't as into dreary movies with the economy, war, general state of the world.

I wouldn't call Seven Pounds "dreary" per se. More like thoughtful, heart-wrenching, satisfied, sacrificial, beautiful and tortured.

It was one of those films where you leave and you feel cleansed. Like you know the way the world is supposed to be. Or you come in contact with Truth, in its many forms, and you feel like you've sat in its presence. These are the reasons I make movies. To watch a film and get lost in the story of redemption that tells a compelling story of the way we should interact with each other.

I shan't give away too much of the plot, because that is the full experience - to enter into the film with limited knowledge and to see the story unravel and unfold before you. I loved piecing together what Will Smith's character, Ben, was doing.

His interactions with characters were exquisite as he helps an elderly woman in a nursing home, reaches out to a Latino family (speaking fluent Spanish!! yay), goes through so much to help a dying woman and child. But in the film it is obvious that he is driven by grief. Perhaps this intrigues me as well, what a man's soul will do in penance for guilt and out of desire to do something good with his remaining time on Earth.

The shots were beautiful and thoughtful - the kind of cinematography that I appreciate. The score was equally haunting and perfect, the music like a off-beat heart, rhythmic and pacing. The pace was appropriate, and the story revealed piece by piece.

It made me think of this - what would I give up in my life to truly affect someone so much? Would I let someone into my house to live? Give them the clothes off my back? "Bleed myself dry" as the Coldplay song goes. How does that kind of radical love and sacrifice look for me? For you? As Rob Bell mentions in his latest book Jesus Wants to Save Christians, redemption and love for people looks different for every person/gathering.

I want to explore this more in the coming weeks.

As for Seven Pounds, go see it! You may not like it as much as I did (I always caution people against expecting too much out of things), but I hope you will also see how brilliantly everything comes together to tell a story about tortured love.

My filmmaker self of course also loves to think about how much development the story underwent to make it so watertight, how they attached the actors, the collaboration between the different production companies that brought the financing together, etc. Such a producer! (;

Happy 2009, my friends! Here is to living and loving in our communities with commitment and strength! May you understand what that means for you and your friends.

With love.

Five Things

2008-12-22T13:16:00.003-05:00

1) I just saw a spider crawl up my bedroom wall and stop on the "W" of the Hollywood sign poster I have. Then I thought about how creepy it would be to see giant spiders on the actual Hollywood sign. I think that's actually a terrible horror film already....

2) This Christmas I am re-discovering my affinity for playing the piano and baking lemon squares.

3) I got to hold two newborn babies in the past week.

4) Leaving home is going to be harder than I thought. Emotionally and financially.

5) Here are the 6 major films opening nationwide on Christmas day, in order that I am most excited about them:

1. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
2. The Spirit
3. Valkyrie
4. Frost|Nixon
5. Marley & Me
6. Bedtime Stories

More thoughtful posts coming soon to a computer near you.

Secret Millionaire?

2008-12-05T01:05:00.000-05:00

What do you think of this new show??

Late Night in Swain

2008-11-24T00:54:00.015-05:00

Far better than any of the late night television shows, there is "Late Night in Swain." This is what I have dubbed the small community of filmmakers that squirrel themselves away in the tech-laced building at all hours of the night perfecting our small, but meaningful (to us) creations.

Overheard recently:

"It's 1 am - I may start gesticulating wildly for no reason." -Zac

"....that's what she said." -Everyone

"I will render all. All to thee I freely render" -Me

"I will show you fear in a handful of dust." -T.S. Eliot

"It's business time." -Kris

"I like girls. They smell nice." -Zac

"Some parts are really really fun to get into and some parts aren't. Didn't you think that last part was fun, Tim?" -Kris

"I was poking around and I was like, 'Man! That is exactly what I want!'" -Zac

"No! No! No! I lost these files!" -Everyone

"Until recently I used to mispronounce 'cacophony' and 'mogul.'" -Me

"I hate audio." -Everyone

"I like hot keys. They're hot." -Kris

End scene.

Fidelity

2008-11-12T10:59:00.002-05:00

Mmmm. This is my heart right now. (Click on it to watch.)

And for those of you who don't like country music, unfortunately, this song by Gary Allan is also quality:

i'm still learning how to pray
trying hard not to stray
try to see things your way
i'm still learning how to pray
i'm still learning how to trust
it's so hard to open up
and i'd do anything for us
i'm still learning how to trust

i'm still learning how to bend
how to let you in
in a world full of tears
we'll conquer all our fears
i'm still learning how to fly
i wanna take you higher
i'll be there till the end
i'll be your lover and your friend
i'm still learning how to bend

Mmmm. Lessons.

For Your Consideration

2008-11-04T11:53:00.003-05:00

No, this is not a post about the Oscars. (Though one is soon to come, I assure you.)

This is to spark dialogue about a piece of unhealthy propaganda and its consequences. What say you?

The Evidence
The original letter - James Dobson writes a heinous 'Letter from 2012 in Obama's America"
The response - Jim Wallis writes a well-articulated response, in my humble opinion.

What's your stance?
5 words or 5 paragraphs...whatever. Just chime in!

Elections + Links

2008-11-04T11:41:00.002-05:00

Elect the President.
Interesting link to a Sojourner's article by Shane Claiborne about the elections and endorsing.

"Elect" religious leaders.
I want to read this book (linked above). Generally, Rob Bell says some pretty dead-on stuff about life, love & freedom. And, of course, I like things that call us to a new way of doing this thing we call "church."

Consider this paradox that prefaces this latest book: "There is a church not too far from us that recently added a $25 million addition to their building. Our local newspaper ran a front-page story not too long ago about a study revealing that one in five people in our city lives in poverty. This is a book about those two numbers."

"Elect" a career path.
I'm interviewing on Thursday for an internship in Hollywood through UNC (linked above). I really would like to do this (fingers crossed) and live in the City of Angels making movies and loving the community around me. Patience.

What are you electing?

Two Surprises

2008-10-30T11:21:00.006-04:00

I came home today to pick up a picnic basket for my final film project that we're filming this afternoon. And when I came home I had two surprises waiting for me.

1) My dog is dying. It's sad for me, because even though I don't see her that often anymore, I really love her. Her name is Herriot, like James Herriot the British vet (in both senses of the word) around World War II. He wrote a series of short stories about his veterinarian days, the most famous collection of which is All Creatures Great and Small. Quite a history for a small dog.

Herriot's a beagle. She was a little porky, but now she's bones thin and not eating. She used to run around in circles when anyone came home and gave her a biscuit. Now she creeps around the yard, very frail.

I grew up with this dog since I was 8. We had a lot of fun times together playing outside. Here's a picture of her and me 4 years ago:

Farewell, my good friend.

2) I found a short book in our guest bathroom called Choosing to Cheat by Andy Stanley. Wow. It is exactly what I need right now. The subtitle is "Who Wins when Family and Work Collide."

I've been struggling lately with what is a healthy balance between time with people and work. A couple evenings ago I had an intense conversation with Kris where I realized I'd been neglecting both him and my other friends. For what? To do work? So not worth it.

When I get to the end of my life, I want to look back on relationships that I've invested in and cared for the people around me. As great a legacy as it would be to make a billion award-winning movies, it's not good enough. I think I can do both - I want to do both. But I need to prioritize my relationships and set aside some time for them.

So I apologize to the men and women I have neglected this year. I have been selfishly caught up in kickstarting my career and haven't looked around to see the beautiful people all around me. But I hope to change that in the coming weeks. Do you mind hanging out with me again? ;)

"when success is equated with excess
our ambition for excess wrecks us
when the top of the mind
becomes the bottom line
when success is equated with excess

i want out of this machine
it doesn't feel like freedom

this is my american dream
i want to live and die for bigger things
i'm tired of fighting for just me
this is my american dream"

-switchfoot

This Bites

2008-10-14T14:14:00.002-04:00

Why is Beverly Hills Chihuahua the box office topper AGAIN this week? WHY?

Good for Disney, bad for my intellect.

One Flick A Day...

2008-10-05T00:22:00.004-04:00

...Keeps the Homework Away!

Movies I Watched Today:
1. Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist (opening)
2. The Happening (non-theatrical release)

1) N&N was okay. Not brilliant, but not terrible. The music was the best part as was the relationship between, surprise! Nick & Norah. However, I found the surrounding setting and story a little lacking. Watching a hurling, drunk best friend and tons of underage people partying really didn't appeal to me.

However, I did like the characters of Nick & Norah. Like me, they didn't drink underage and they were more chill - playing music and taking care of their friends. I also like how their awkwardness meshes and they help each other overcome weaknesses. Kind of reminds me of someone else I know...

One of the best lines was Norah explaining an old Jewish saying that essentially, "The world is broken into many pieces. It is our job to find them and put them back together again." To which Nick supplies, "Maybe we don't have to find the pieces. Maybe we are the pieces." I like that.

Have you ever read This Beautiful Mess by Rick McKinley? Very good. That quote reminded me of his call for us to care for each other and redeem the broken pieces of the world.

2) The Happening gets a bad rap. Poor M. Night Shyamalan. He is a creative genius and he often gets bashed. Even after seeing the film, I still think he is still a brilliant artist. I'm glad Amanda, my creative roomie, agrees! She will have to borrow my book about him and my favorite of his films, Lady in the Water.

As for Happening, I agree it wasn't his most well-done work, but it wasn't THAT bad. His work is always art, always deeper. So the acting was a little stilted, but it usually is to convey his points. It jars you out of this expectation of perfection into thinking about why things are done the way they're done. Why is there blue in every scene (props to Amanda)? Why do characters repeat certain things? Why are shots framed the way they are?

The suspense and the death toll were still frightening. Good job with that. And there was still enough humor to offset it and remind you of M's quirky humor.

While the film geek in me loves to think about the making of the film and the semantics of it, the kicker really is in the theme. I loved the concept of the environment warning us to take care of it and live in harmony or else it would fight back. The blue featured throughout the movie and with the mood ring stands for peace. The foliage wanted there to be peace again between them and man.

I want that, too. It just seems really complicated. Sure I recycle, ride my bike, use a car-sharing program, shop with reusable bags, drink out of a Nalgene, etc. But there are bigger things at play. How do we advocate for radical environmental care?? These issues seem so, so big!

I also liked that scientists admitted that we don't always know why nature does things. Oh, and that the bee-thing is actually happening.

Okay. Time for some actual school work. Less than 8 months until I'm making movies for a living!!! I might pop Lady in the Water in for some inspiration...

LA Bound

2008-10-01T22:47:00.002-04:00

Yes, I am going there for Fall Break and am most delighted! Each day is one day closer and I can feel an excitement building. When I read Ashleigh's blog about her experiences on the West Coast or watch Katie, Garrett & Casey's movies in my COMM classes, I am so ready to be there - away from here, building my NEW life.

College is almost over. The rest of life is calling.

And it is full of adventure!

(These pesky classes are so annoying. Off to study cultural theory.......)

Rest

2008-09-25T16:29:00.002-04:00

At InterVarsity tonight Alex Kirk is talking about "Why We Rest." At lunch this week he, Sarah Vanderpool and I dialoged about this and what it means.

Rest is something that our fast-paced Western culture does not do well. It's something that specifically our stressed-out UNC-Chapel Hill community doesn't do well either.

Personally, I am thrilled by all the amazing things I get to do during the day - CUAB film stuff (shout out to Lindsey and whoever else Google alerts "CUAB" ;), Carolina Production Guild work, projectionist work, paper grading work, sometimes school work, and on and on.

All of these things are very fulfilling and enjoyable, but they are never completely satisfying. It is imperative to "play" hard just as much as we work hard. But more than just "playing," we need to be able to rest. Literally, we have to be able to say no to whatever is demanding our time, get some sleep and recharge our inner batteries... or else we will run ragged.

Some things don't seem productive, but they are integral to sustaining us - time with friends, reading a good book, spending time in prayer and silence, listening to some music, going for a run, sipping tea, relaxing. The catch is that these things don't just happen - we have to be proactive and intentional about making time for them. My problem is that I keep my commitments to everyone else but not to myself to stay well rested.

So keep me accountable, okay? Invite me to put aside work for a few hours and do something fun. Let's have a healthy balance of rest and work!

Barf Jeans

2008-09-23T09:27:00.002-04:00

Event #1: SATURDAY - At the football game, a girl three rows up projectile vomits on the people right behind Kris and me.

Event #2: MONDAY - On my way up Franklin to Starbucks, a man steps out of Blue Lounge onto the sidewalk and vomits right in front of Ashley and me.

Event #3: TUESDAY - On my way to class this morning, I tripped and fell in vomit on the sidewalk by the ATMs.

What do these disgusting events have in common? The same pair of blue jeans.

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 3 = the pants bring misfortune and distasteful circumstances to the college-age women. Think the WB will bite....or barf?

Autumn

2008-09-19T23:47:00.002-04:00

Every year I end up writing a post that only really says one thing - it's autumn.

And it is.

I finally feel it in the crisp air around me and in the smell of dying leaves lighting up the world around us before they blaze out of sight. Time to take a deep breath and enjoy the waning beauty of summer. It is a poignant season. For some reason I feel alive. Time to pull out Jon Foreman's "Fall" EP and listen to any of the insightful and melodic tunes.

All this reminds me of the haiku given to me at our CUAB retreat a few weekends back. It warmed me:

In just a moment
Before you go to L.A.
You'll rock our socks off.

Thanks, friend. Let's all shine together before our college years wane thin. The spring of post-graduation is right around the corner.

Well, it was a little more than an autumn announcement this year.

Poetry

2008-09-17T21:57:00.002-04:00

I have recently been awakened to the joy of poetry. People I admire have always loved it, but I am just beginning to turn phrases and rhythms over in my head like sweet morsels.

I went to see Billy Collins read some of his poetry with my roommate Amanda and fell in love. Although... we did muse on the way back as to what constitutes "poetry?" Any thoughts?

Here are two of my favorites so far. One I found two years ago on the subway in NYC, the other a Billy Collins piece that captured me Monday night.

Enjoy!

Utterance by W.S. Merwin

sitting over words
very late i have heard a kind of whispered sighing
not far
like a night wind in pines or like the sea in the dark
the echo of everything that has ever been spoken
still spinning in one syllable
between the earth and silence

Litany by Billy Collins

You are the bread and the knife,
the crystal goblet and the wine.
You are the dew on the morning grass
and the burning wheel of the sun.
You are the white apron of the baker,
and the marsh birds suddenly in flight.

However, you are not the wind in the orchard,
the plums on the counter,
or the house of cards.
And you are certainly not the pine-scented air.
There is just no way that you are the pine-scented air.

It is possible that you are the fish under the bridge,
maybe even the pigeon on the general's head,
but you are not even close
to being the field of cornflowers at dusk.

And a quick look in the mirror will show
that you are neither the boots in the corner
nor the boat asleep in its boathouse.

It might interest you to know,
speaking of the plentiful imagery of the world,
that I am the sound of rain on the roof.

I also happen to be the shooting star,
the evening paper blowing down an alley
and the basket of chestnuts on the kitchen table.

I am also the moon in the trees
and the blind woman's tea cup.
But don't worry, I'm not the bread and the knife.
You are still the bread and the knife.
You will always be the bread and the knife,
not to mention the crystal goblet and--somehow--the wine.

Tell Me How

2008-06-04T11:05:00.003-04:00

The title of this post comes from the Rosie Thomas song by the same name. I've been listening to it a lot this week and I'd like to share:

How am I to live this life
When the only certainty
Is that death is waiting for me at the end
Everyday that passes,
I know time is running out
And I fear I may have failed what I'd been given

Oh how (x4)
Tell me how
Oh how
Am I supposed to live

How am I to define what faith is to a child
When the only explanation lies within
How am I to tell them if they never follow Christ
That heaven doesn't hold a place for them

Oh how (x4)
Tell me how
When I'm no better than them

Oh how (x4)
Tell me how
Oh how
Am I supposed to live.

I suppose my fascination with this song comes at a good time since I recently finished The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. In it he paints a vision for BEING the church. The how instead of just the complaining. I'm sure in posts to come I will be fleshing out this "how" as it is really taking root in my heart and breaking through the concrete into a veritable garden. So I'll leave this morning with a brief quote from the introduction of this book that has so rocked my world. Live, laugh, love today, friends!

"New prophets are rising up who try to change the future, not just predict it. There is a movement bubbling up that goes beyond cynicism and celebrates a new way of living, a generation that stops complaining about the church it sees and becomes the church it dreams of. And this little revolution is irresistible. It is a contagious revolution that dances, laughs, and loves." -The Irresistible Revolution

No Tooth Fairy for Her

2008-05-20T23:02:00.003-04:00

I am really excited to be helping out with a group this summer in downtown High Point. It's called "Learning Together/Aprendiendo Juntos," and it's a program for mothers to learn English while their children get childcare and also learn. (Thanks to Tom Bost and Paula Thomas at Christ Church for letting me know about it!)

Most of the women who come are actually refugees from Sudan with a few Latina women as well. Tonight was my first night, and I'll be working primarily with the kids (some born in Sudan, some here)- letting them play outside, snack time, reading books with them, etc.

It's a lot of fun, and I'm looking forward to getting to know these families more. The kids are so sweet. Definitely rambunctious (ages 2-9), but also very loving. As I learned from working with the kids in Anacostia, D.C. this Spring Break - it is HARD work!

But they win my heart. And I have so much to learn about their lives. Like when Mira* laughs proudly when they talk about her brother being in jail. Or when Pati says he wants to be a criminal when he grows up.

Yet these are the same kids who lovingly share the tricycles with each other. And there are some kids like Saira who wants to be a nurse or Jasmine who wants to be a teacher. Wheat and weeds.

Jasmine was especially interesting tonight. She's a cute snaggle-tooth. When one of my fellow volunteers asked her if the Tooth Fairy came to visit her she laughed and matter-of-factly said that "No, I just threw them away." Fair enough. No celebration of baby teeth departure in her home.

But when I asked her how she lost them she simply stated, "My brother punched me." And then went on gleefully riding her tricycle.

I have a lot to learn about their lives.

*All names were changed in this post.

Salvation?

2008-05-16T10:47:00.002-04:00

Thank you, Derek Webb.

(P.S. There's a link to an article in his name.)

Webb is just one of many voices that I am discovering that join in proclaiming the true gospel of a Kingdom come. Recently I read This Beautiful Mess by Rick McKinley. Now I am halfway through The Irresistable Revolution by Shane Claiborne. Next up: Practical Justice by Kevin Blue.

Thank you all for a Gospel that I can live out. A Jesus who speaks to the whole world, and not just a tiny subculture of it.

He offers more than just personal salvation for a coming eternity.
He offers restoration of broken places here on Earth.
He offers Life and Love.

.....

the kingdom of the heavens
is now advancing
invade my heart
invade this broken town
the kingdom of the heavens
is buried treasure
would you sell yourself
to buy the one you've found?
two things you told me
that you are strong
and you love me
yes, you love me

your love is
your love is
your love is
STRONG

our God in heaven
hallowed by thy name
above all names
your kingdom come
your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven

-jon foreman, "your love is strong"

.....

Dos Decades

2008-04-15T09:38:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I completed two decades of life on this Earth.

Contrary to popular opinion, I am not quite 21 yet. But as I have reached the monumental double decades, I would like to make a top 20 list of the best moments of my 20th birthday as brought to you by amazing friends:

20) Pranks from the 1st Floor of Joyner: funny, however extremely juvenile they were
19) 131 birthday wishes from Facebook (??)
18) Professor Croce assuming I knew what I was talking about in Finance
17) Andrew Morgan's birthday wishes without the knowledge of Facebook - impressive
16) My first meeting as CUAB Film Chair going swimmingly - amazing committee
15) Karen Mesoznik, my director, announcing my birthday to the entire Cast & Crew listserv :)
14) Sushi lunch in the "Gryffindor Common Room" with the Grilled Cheese King
13) Dinner @ Maggianos with the HJ Ladies from Freshman year
12) Eating Maple View ice cream at sunset with my dear Ashley Nicole & Liz "#1" Pittman
11) Kristopher Eric's card
10) Call from Grandma Jeannette!
9) Kate Jessup & Ashleigh Greene wanting to take me out for my birthday!
8) Ashley Nicole's cupcakes & brilliant producer gift!
7) Lunch at Ye Olde Waffle Shop with my amazing family
6) Cake with my fun-loving Bible study in Cobb (also Happy Birthday to Emily, thanks to Cara for the cake, and thanks to Mariane for sharing my icing fetish ;)
5) Walking around campus with Rebecca Ashley and talking about Shane Claiborne's The Irresistible Revolution
4) Gentle rain in the afternoon
3) Katie coming to find me and bringing a sweet gift from Sugarland
2) The "you have 7 minutes left of your birthday" adventure with Kris
1) And the unbeatable, cherished always moment - Betsey's thoughtful door decorations/pictures

As my friend Dallas Morgan used to say, "Thank you for these beautiful people I get to do life with!"

Yes, thank You indeed.

My Own "Daily Dose"

2008-02-18T23:13:00.002-05:00

Noted: I saw a deer and its baby in the woods today.

Quoted: "The only way to gain much is to risk much." -Finance professor M. Croce

Somebody's Baby

2008-02-12T10:20:00.000-05:00

I’m crying and I don’t know exactly why. It’s just worthy of mourning.

I’m listening to “Somebody’s Baby” by Jon Foreman. It’s about a homeless woman.

This Sunday I thought a lot about what it means to be in that position and what my role is as someone who does have means to care for those who don’t. How does that play out in a generous yet wise way? Not just a handout to take my mind off of the real problems, but understanding what’s driving these problems. Getting to know people, and investing some time, not just throwing money at someone’s plight.

“More than just your cash and coin, I want your time, I want your voice.” –Derek Webb

I love my family and I’m so glad they visited me. But I see the people we passed on the way to our nice Sunday lunch. I see the woman on the side of the road with a broken down car. I see the supposedly homeless guy with his dog. We didn’t stop for them to see if we could help – make sure the woman was okay, see if the guy who wanted money would like a meal instead. I wish we would have.

Here are things from the song that get me. Snippets that make this woman real to me (Full lyrics here):

“if you were homeless, sure as hell you’d be drunk…when people don’t want you…”

“her name was November”

“every now and again when she’s sober, she brushes her teeth”

“she’s somebody’s baby girl, and she’s somebody’s baby still”

A good book on the subject I read a year ago is Under the Overpass by Mike Yankoski. Here’s the book on Amazon. Here’s their website.

Thoughts? Reactions?

What is Home?

2008-02-11T10:22:00.000-05:00

I am a sovereign prince of Egypt
A son of the proud history that’s shown
Etched on every wall
Surely this is all I ever wanted
All I ever wanted
All I ever
Wanted
-The Prince of Egypt

This is such a poignant song of longing and belonging sung by the character of Moses in this recent adaptation of the age old Exodus story. But the true beauty of this story, is that these sentiments are not the end. Character development, right?

Up until now, this is all that Moses has wanted. To belong here in this comfortable household. But God is calling him out into the unknown. Out on this journey that will through all its hardships and joys, teach Moses that his desires were in fact, too small. He actually will come to desire the LORD in that way. Surely THIS is all I ever wanted.

I think of Moses’ journey and this song especially right now as I’m nearing so many changes in life. Though I am not graduating in 3 short months, many of my close friends are. Their lives (and mine) will be altered forever. I follow in little over a year to a place of being uprooted from this dearly beloved and comfortable haven of Chapel Hill. What I have once considered home, will be so no longer.

I’ve gone through this before, when I left Jamestown to come to Chapel Hill. It was a process of letting go of my original concept of home, and realizing where my TRUE home lies. I think as humans it’s easy to find contentment where we are and in the comforts that surround us. The fact that I’ve lived in Joyner for two years is comfortable to me. I’d like to stay here. Walk past Davis library and on up the steps into my home. Have a cup of cider in my room, across from my lovely, funny, vibrant neighbors. Go for a run in the forest. Stay up until 2 a.m. in the first floor lobby – a veritable living room of sorts. So much like I imagine the Gryffindor common room.

But God periodically calls us out of our comfort so that we will realize our dependency on Him, just like He called Moses. Right now my vision has been for Joyner and Chapel Hill as “all I ever wanted.” Through the next few years, God will be painfully prying loose my fingers from what I hold dear, to see that only He is “all I ever wanted.”

I can follow Him next year to Connor, or wherever else I end up living. It will be a precursor to the even bigger move of following Him into the utter unknown of Los Angeles the year after.

I am excited to see “the change You sow” as Caedmon’s Call sings. I can’t wait to see the incredible things God does in my life and the lives of my friends. Change is exciting for the possibilities and also because it stands in direct contrast to the “Only One” that never changes (like Lifehouse sings).

For anyone interested in reading what I thought about the concept of “home” at the end of my freshman year of college, check out my old Xanga here. Another interesting post is what I wrote right after my first semester of intense transition. That link is here.

Have a beautiful day, my friends! Be shaken up by the unsettling Love.

Unplugged

2008-01-29T17:50:00.000-05:00

I just turned in my computer to be fixed. When your fan sounds like a lawnmower, it's probably time for a tune-up.

Thankfully, ITS here at UNC will repair it for free since mine is under warranty. However, they are currently out of loaner computers.

So, I am without a computer for a day or so. I still have my hand-held Palm calendar, my jump drive full of files, my iPod, and obviously I have internet access because I am typing this at a library computer. BUT, after this, I'm going to try and rough it for as long as possible.

It's kind of exciting and freeing to be somewhat unplugged in these days of zeros and ones.

Maybe I'll read more.
Enjoy face time with people.
Go outside.

You know, things that people do when they aren't plugged into technology 24/7.

Be liberated and full of grace today, my friends.

Mustang Film Festival, Part 3

2008-01-28T17:36:00.000-05:00

And now... for the final installment of my film watching extravaganza! Dialogue about the movies is appreciated and encouraged.

The Last 10
16) Best Location - Twelve Angry Men
"This fighting. This is not why we are here, to fight. We have a responsibility. This I have always thought is a remarkable thing about democracy is that we are - what’s the word? Notified. We are notified by mail to come down to this place to decide on the guilt or innocence of a man we have never heard of before. We have nothing to gain or lose by our verdict. This is one of the reasons why we are strong. We should not make it a personal thing. Thank you."

17) Best Reverse Redemption - Pretty Woman
Edward: So what happens after he climbs up and he rescues her?
Vivian: She rescues him right back .

18) Best Actress - Million Dollar Baby

19) Best Supporting Actor - Charlie Wilson's War
"These things happened. They were glorious and they changed the world...and then we fucked up the endgame."

20) Best Coen Brothers - Raising Arizona
(Shameless plug here for No Country for Old Men, which I saw slightly before my movie fest. Go. See it now.)

21) Best Local Director - Sideways
"It’s a hard grape to grow, as you know, right? It’s thin-skinned, temperamental, ripens early. It’s not a survivor like Cabernet, which can just grow anywhere and thrive even when it’s neglected. No, Pinot needs constant care and attention. And in fact, it can only grow in these really specific, little tucked-away corners of the world. And, and only the most patient and nurturing of growers can do it, really. Only somebody who really takes the time to understand Pinot’s potential can then coax it into its fullest expression. And then, oh its flavors, they’re just the most haunting and brilliant and thrilling and subtle and ancient on the planet."

22) Best Quotes Amidst Sketchiness - The People vs. Larry Flynt
“This country is founded, at least in part, on the belief that unpopular speech is vital to our nation."

23) Best Copycat - National Treasure: Book of Secrets

24) Best Awkward End Credits Song - The Golden Compass

25) Best Incredibly Long Dance Sequences - White Christmas

And, that's a wrap!

Stings + Healings

2008-01-27T00:46:00.000-05:00

Have you ever felt really small?

Or just that you don't fit in anywhere?

I told a friend last night that I don't really have a "group" and I'm a sort of floater who has friends from different circles. Which is true.

But it's also true that when I have often tried to spend time with people in a couple different tight-knit circles because I'd like to know them more, I get the distinct impression I'm not as interesting or wanted as those who are already in the "circles of trust" (thank you Meet the Parents for popularizing that statement).

I thought feeling left out and unwanted was a thing of the past. Dead and buried with the high school bells ringing every 50 minutes. But the truth is that cliques hurt, no matter your age or station in life.

So I thank God for quality people who are selfless and inclusive even when it's inconvenient:
-Kristen Greenholt who talked to me and prayed with me at the latest IV retreat.
-My roomie, Ashley Sauls, who so graciously invites me to any and everything she does.
-Joseph McCormick for diffusing an awkward party moment and asking deeper questions.
-Bethany Limpach for her relentless pursuance of me and for taking a chance and finding a "kindred spirit."
-Sarah Vanderpool, Kate Jessup, Ashleigh Greene, Katie Smith, Mallorie Price & Asa Mair for wanting to spend time with me and making it happen.
-Betsey Smith for understanding me about as well as a person could.

It is my prayer that I, too, would love so fully and selflessly.

Mustang Film Festival, Part 2

2008-01-22T17:30:00.000-05:00

And now I continue with the films I watched over break. Many thanks to Netflix for this semi-free opportunity.

The Next 10*
6) Best Use of Color - Amelie

7) Best Music - The Royal Tenenbaums
“I wish you’d’ve done this for me when I was a kid."

8) Best Camera Blocking - Rear Window

9) Best Dramatic Pause - Children of Men

10) Best Steven Spielberg - Minority Report
"What good is a justice system that instills doubt?"

11) Best Fake Shooting Scene - North by Northwest
“Well wouldn’t it be nice if my problems and your plans were somehow connected? Then we could always stay close to each other & not have to go out in separate directions. Togetherness. You know what I mean?”

12) Best Random Acts of Violence - Pulp Fiction
"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd."

13) Best Use of an Animal as an Integral Character - I Am Legend

14) Best Motivating Scene - The Great Debaters

15) Best Adam Sandler (ever) - Reign Over Me

*Do keep in mind that these "superlatives" are only out of the films that I watched. By no means do I mean that Minority Report is the best Steven Spielberg movie of all time. Jaws, Schindler's List, E.T. all are further ahead on that list. But it was, however, the "best" and only film of Spielberg's that I watched in this movie fest.

i want to be like this

2008-01-18T21:48:00.000-05:00

i want our IV chapter to be like this.

what do you think?

Mustang Film Festival, Part 1

2008-01-18T16:27:00.000-05:00

As some may know, I spent this past winter break watching movies. Lots of movies.

There are so many good movies that I haven't seen, and as an aspiring producer, I decided to take some of my down time and become "cultured" in that sense. The grand total of films I saw both in theatres and out was 25. Plus one entire season of Gilmore Girls.

So in a mock awards fashion I am giving superlatives to all 25 of these jewels (and otherwise). And a favorite quote attached to some, but not all.

I will have three installments. Top 5, Next 10, Bottom 10.

I'd love to hear what some of you thought of these movies if you saw them in theatres over break, or if you've seen them before. Enjoy!

Top 5
1) Best Twist I Didn't See Coming - Fight Club
"This is your life and it's ending one moment at a time."

2) Best Nonlinear but Linear Plot - Memento
"Memories can be distorted. They're just an interpretation, they're not a record."

3) Best Thoughtful "Horror" - The Sixth Sense
"I asked her if she was proud of me."

4) Best Foreign Film - Pan's Labyrinth

5) Best Cinematography - Atonement

Umbrella Covers + Muddy Patches

2008-01-17T14:12:00.000-05:00

It's a rainy day here in Chapel Hill.

I love rainy days because they force us to slow down and give us time to think. That and we just get wet.

But, really, rain is a renewing force. Both metaphorically and physically. In fact I was just thinking on the bus yesterday about how in our time of drought in the Southeast, rain is particularly meaningful because it is a tangible sign of grace and relief. Like Jennifer Hagin said this weekend, water is such a significant image in the Old Testament because so often the people and the ground lacked it.

Instead of contemplating the intricacies of rain, though, this morning I was rushing to get to my 8 a.m. class and I dropped my umbrella cover in the middle of Raleigh Street.

Without time to go back for it, I continued on to class. On my way back to the warm haven of my dorm I thought about what I would do if the umbrella cover was still somehow in the middle of the street. It didn't matter that it was gross and muddy now that cars had run over it, and that people would see me picking it up - I was going to pick it up and claim it for my own.

I think that picture of the umbrella cover and my reaction to losing it is a lot of what it means to "own" something. Often I shy away from the concept of ownership because I see it easily corrupted (individualistic, territorial, materialistic). As humans we latch onto things to call "ours" in order to somehow define ourselves. So Jane owns an iPod, a MINI Cooper, and a Northface jacket. Michael owns a Zune, a Volvo, and a Land's End parka. We try to find our security in the things we have instead of who we belong to. But maybe ownership is more about love and investment.

In fact, the umbrella cover reminds me a lot of the way we must look to God. While most people would like to fancy themselves as clean and collected, I think in reality we are very much the dropped in the street, run over, wet, muddy umbrella cover. In the presence of such Perfection, how are we anything but?

Yet the beauty of it comes in the fact that God isn't repulsed by that. Instead, he willingly stoops down and picks us up, bringing us inside to become His. We are His. That is what ownership means - to care for something, to love it.

In stark visual contrast to this sense of ownership affection stands the ground outside of Carroll Hall.

Once upon a time (a year ago) this patch of ground used to be vibrant with green grass. Students would sometimes cut across this grass for a more direct entrance into Carroll, especially when running late. So, there was a small dirt path wearing through the grassy area, but it was still livable.

Fast forward to today. That same plot of land is a muddy wasteland. Construction takes up the rest of that quad area, forcing heavy foot traffic over the ground and effectively killing the grass.

It always used to bother me in a quirky way that people didn't respect the grass enough to walk 5 extra steps around it and stay on the sidewalk. The way no one valued the grass. And now I realize that value is linked to "ownership." Will I "invest" or give up 20 more seconds of my life in order to protect this thing that I value - a beautiful green patch of land?

So here is what I'm saying. A sense of ownership can be really good in that it makes people care about something enough to protect it. We belong to God. The grassy patch belongs to me (and 37,000 of my closest friends). But please hear this, too. Ownership is NOT individualistic. Do I, Liz Hundley, really own the grassy quad? No, but I, along with everyone else who traverses that path, do have an interest in its survival, and that sense of ownership and care for this space should be what motivates us to protect it.

Quotable Quotes

2007-12-29T11:30:00.000-05:00

I have several post ideas - a reflection on 2007, some of my recent musings on community, Best of the Liz Film Festival. But right now I want to give 5 quotes from 5 different movies that I've watched over break. See if you can guess them without Google's help. Maybe it will stave off your end-of-the-year boredom. Or inspire you. One of the two. Cheers!

1) "We all need mirrors to remind ourselves of who we are."

2) "The bad stuff is easier to believe, you ever notice that?"

3) "On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero."

4) "I think they want you to help them."

5) "This country is founded, at least in part, on the belief that unpopular speech is vital to our nation."

Shameless Narcissism

2007-10-12T09:55:00.001-04:00

I haven't been completely devoid from writing lately. Check out my first movie review (ever!) on InfuzeMag.com. In fact, it's on the front page right now. (Infuze is set up like a blog, rolling down after new things are added.)

Like I said, first ever, so be lenient with me. ;) But, really, I'd love feedback if you're interested in reading my movie review!

More blogspot musings to come this weekend...

"i want out of this machine, it doesn't feel like freedom, this is my American Dream, i want to live and die for bigger things, i'm tired of fighting for just me, this is my American Dream" -switchfoot

Just Breathing

2007-09-19T09:37:00.000-04:00

"Just breathing was worship."

I've read this multiple times this morning on my trip through the blogosphere of my kindred spirits in Chapel Hill (Abby who was quoting Rachel).

With the delightful autumn thick in the air that phrase has never been truer. What beauty and glory!

Prostitution Ring

2007-09-12T10:47:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I read this in my favorite part of The Daily Tar Heel - the opinion page. I love that page because to me it highlights one of the crucial functions of newspapers - community building. The opinion page is a forum for people to not just passively read about the world around them, but to engage with it. (For those who don't know, I also work on ad staff for the DTH. I love the paper, and I love ads...what could be better?)

If you haven't already followed that link, do it. Go. Now. Read this "investigative" column that busts a prostitution ring right here in Chapel Hill.

I'm not kidding, either. Yesterday this column sparked conversation amongst people who didn't even know each other as we were waiting for the bus down at the B-school. But the conversation largely consisted of, "Did you read that?" "Oh my goodness that's terrible!" "He's right, we all knew about it, but we're not going to do anything."

And while I was pleased at the interaction, I am utterly frustrated at the shallowness of that conversation and the lack of desire to enact CHANGE. Now we know something illegal is going on - let's DO something about it...

I know I, too, sit here wrapped up in my own world of class and work and selfish existence. But if people like us could just take a few minutes out of our busy days to care about someone who feels like they have to sell themselves to make money, think of what good could be done. So today after class, I'm checking up with the Chapel Hill Police Department after reading up on some local laws. My heart breaks for these women and longs to see some change...not idle talk.

2007-09-10T17:43:00.000-04:00

"Close it! How could it be closed! The door had been opened, and the winds of time were blowing against it, keeping it from closing, almost taking it off the hinges." -An Acceptable Time by Madeleine L'Engle

Madeleine L'Engle was one of my favorite authors. She taught me about the vastness of God and His unfathomable Love. She taught me about fusing faith with creativity and realness, not in a preachy way, but simply because Story is Story. Her work Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art is a must-read for Christians interested in entertainment and the arts. Here is an excerpt from it that I adore:

“Christian art? Art is art; painting is painting; music is music; a story is a story. If it’s bad art, it’s bad religion, no matter how pious the subject. If it’s good art – and there the questions start coming, questions which it would be simpler to evade.
In college I read some aesthetics; Plato, Aristotle; a great chronological jump to Lamb, Coleridge, Wordsworth, Pater, Rusking. Plato spoke of the necessity for divine madness in the poet. It is a frightening thing to open oneself to this strange and dark side of the divine; it means letting go our sane self-control, that control which gives us the illusion of safety. But safety is only an illusion, and letting it go is part of listening to the silence, and to the Spirit."

How ironic then, that her death late last week would be fused with the news that I myself am going to start writing reviews for Infuze! (Check it out at www.infuzemag.com) Along with Madeleine L'Engle, this website and the people affliated with it have taught me so much over the past few years of what it means to be a Christian who is interested in entertainment and art, and how these things are so intertwined.

Winds of time, indeed!

"why do you keep mentioning the year they died?" -david crowder

2007-08-28T17:22:00.000-04:00

my posts are too long. and too spread out. look for a much more consistent blog coming next month with shorter posts at least every other week. with that, enjoy the latest unfiltered musings...

Smiles, Pit Preachers & Acceptance

2007-08-28T16:30:00.001-04:00

It was in passing someone on the B-school steps today that I looked up to smile that "passers-by smile." You know, the one that says, "I have no idea who you are, but we're inhabiting the same bit of space-time right now, and I'm pleased to coexist with you." Because I know you all think that when you're smiling at a stranger....haha.

But in that seemingly normal moment, I also found myself looking for something in return. Some kind of smile or acknowledgment that I matter. It's not that I think I don't matter, but only that as humans, I think we innately turn to each other to find validation, acceptance or love - to know that we're okay.

The big problem with this is that since we're all human, we all inevitably let each other down. No matter how much we love someone, we will have at least one (usually multiple) instances of selfishness where we hurt them. So to put our trust or our need for acceptance into the hands of others is dangerous. There is only One who accepts us completely and loves us perfectly. It is in Him that we find our identity, that we're told we're "okay," because He has gone to such great lengths to make us so.

This one "random" encounter today with the B-school guy has made me think of other ways that I clamor for people's acceptance. I think this is why I spend inordinate amounts of time in the Joyner lounge with friends, soaking up the fact that we care for each other and support each other.

Now this is not in itself a bad thing, but must be put into context. Friends are a vital part of life, and for emotional balance, we need the acceptance and love of other people. But if that is our sole source of confidence or "validation," then we have a problem. When you come into a friendship already secure in who you are and not seeking approval, only then can you truly love someone selflessly. Otherwise, you will always be brushing over that relationship with a fine-toothed comb, looking for ways the other person builds you up - instead of striving to build them up.

Today on the quad I saw a new "Pit Preacher" who was doing the typical "condemning to hell" routine. And my heart broke for the people there listening - ordinary, amazing people, who may or may not know God. But I know that all of them are looking, just like me, for acceptance, for a place to belong, for confidence, for Truth and Love. (Kind of reminds me of that Tim McGraw song, "Drugs or Jesus," where he croons, "Everybody wants acceptance, we all just want some proof, everyone's just looking for the truth...we're all looking for love and meaning in our lives.")

Dear friends, this is the Truth and Love that we all need in our lives - Jesus absolutely adores us. He is our confidence. Our identity is in Him. We only need His approval, and we have it.

This is in direct contrast to the "condemnation" that the Pit Preacher was claiming this afternoon. What happened to verses like, "There is therefore now no condemnation in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1) or the story where Jesus told the angry crowd that whoever was without sin could cast the first stone at the adulterous woman (John 8)? Instead, Jesus paints us a picture in the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5) that explains just how much we all mess up. We don't love each other well. Think you're basically a good person, or like this "preacher" thinks...that you don't sin? Well, have you ever been angry at someone? Jesus says we've committed murder in our hearts. Ever looked at someone lustfully? Jesus says we've committed adultery with them. I know I'm guilty of both.

You see, it's not this laundry list of things we do or don't do in order to "be accepted by God." It's just the fact that we exist that makes Him love us. We don't deserve His love, but He gives it anyway. This is where true acceptance, "validation," belonging, confidence and love is found. This, my friends, is "amazing grace."

I so deeply want people to know that love and turn to Him for it, and I want to grow to be an extension of that love to those around me. I want to rest in the knowledge that I am His child, and that is enough.

And I want to smile at people without thinking about "space-time." ;o)

"Let me know that You hear me, Let me know Your touch, Let me know that You love me, Let that be enough." -Switchfoot

Lessons from the Cupcakes

2007-05-10T17:30:00.000-04:00

I baked cupcakes yesterday. For those who know me, being that culinary is a feat. And, oh, it was glorious taking time away from the hustle and bustle of life, being in the kitchen creating something.

But my dad brought up a very good point. "Who are you baking these for?"

After I provided him with a flippant response, "No one really, just to bake!" I actually started to think about the purpose for baking these delicious morsels (yes, they are that good...haha).

The first thing that came to mind was that I had originally intended to bake them for my lovely friends in Joyner as a going away present, but didn't make the time to do it. So first lesson is simply, timing is everything. Carve out the time to show the people in your life that you care.

But the real whopper is this - I have no strong community here at home. If I were at school, yes, timing of things is still important, but really I could go into the kitchen at any time and bake cupcakes and there would be someone around to appreciate my labor of love. Here, there is no one around.

As a follow up to his question, my dad started brainstorming who we could share these cupcakes with. It was so sad to hear our pathetic little list - his coworkers, my mom's coworkers, Becca's friends at school. I was saddened that we don't have a good relationship with our neighbors and could just take them some cupcakes. We don't even have friends that come over to the house often or a church group to live life with.

I have realized how precious is the community God has blessed me with at Chapel Hill. God has made all of us to live in relationship and community with other people - to walk through this life together, sharing our burdens and our joys. It is my hope that my family can find that.

If my time at Chapel Hill has been anything, it has been about God teaching me that we are not islands meant to walk through life alone. Rather, we are connected to each other in our communities, our cities, our countries, our world. We are brothers and sisters.

Let us love each other deeply.
Let us spur one another on to good deeds.
Let us be one Body, one Beloved.

Anybody want a cupcake?

all men die...

2007-04-25T02:45:00.000-04:00

what would it be like to risk it all on a dream that really mattered?

to eschew comfort and security for something that inspires and impassions?

to give it all up and do something crazy?

don't do something just because it looks good on a resume
don't do something just for "job security"
don't do something because you're "supposed to"

live in FREEDOM!
live because you are Redeemed
live for a big Dream that tells of adventure, of sacrifice, of real Love
loving others and your Redeemer

so what if i just moved across the country?
or if i sacrificed a summer internship to go serve in Africa?

...just follow Him...

"all men die. not all men truly live." -Braveheart

2007-04-25T02:38:00.000-04:00

Hullo.

I want to actually blog now.

MySpace just does not cut it. I need to be accountable to actually create and have a voice, and not be content to simply be a sponge soaking in ideas and not reciprocating.

So I will post my most recent MySpace entry, and work toward blogging at least once a month.

Here's to the promotion of thinking deeply, sharing those thoughts to a community, and sharpening each other "as iron sharpens iron."

Cheers, mates!

2006-06-29T12:27:00.000-04:00

I started this whole ordeal with no intention of creating an actual blog. All I wanted to do was post a comment on Alex Kirk's blog. And here I am. Feel special, Alex?

Actually, this is a good thing. Now I can have a real blog instead of my old xanga which is pretty outdated. Time to mature into the world of real blogging. No more the amateur!

Ha. Well, we'll see how often I use this site. Probably not much because these past few months have been about me not spending as much time on the computer, and really delving into life. So far, it's been great. So great that I quit AIM altogether and am quite content with that decision.

Now all you who read this are accountable- if I'm posting too much, that means I'm slipping back into my computer junkie ways. You are now my unofficial support group in Time Wasters Anonymous (or not so anonymous, as the case may be).

Have a beautiful day! I'm off to finally post that comment, check e-mails from my sister (who's in Europe!), and eat lunch with a friend from Chapel Hill.

Cheerio!
Liz Anne